A Mother's Descent A father's Journal 1958

partially gone 

Bad fight 

Slightly Tight

BF

Very T.  

Appeared tight. BF. 

I made supper

Slightly T.  

I make supper

Slightly T.  

sleepy, tongue thick, more tense. no goodnight.  

Coakey bit K.

Called everything but smart. Very T.

  Slightly T.  One spat, short

Slightly T. One spat in bed.

slightly T.  

        She treats kids summarily. Sends to bed early. Falls asleep in chair after supper.

    Discontinued in hopes of improvement

learning to recognize more quickly her condition of inebriation. 

  taken to hiding bottles, usually pints of blend or vodka, in drawers full of clothes, on obscure shelves.  

        J. will tell me when she has been drinking - as if I had to be told!

sloppy, hair messy, poor posture, off balance, weaving, eyes glazed - stupid looking. 

                 Easily offended, quick to temper, lazy, doesn’t care what happens to the kids. 

she falls asleep without making supper,  the task falls to me. 

  This of course exasperates me no end.

  she is extremely short with children, often sending them to bed as much as three hours ahead of schedule.

clouted me across the back of the head -from behind - with a shoe

sloppiness, unsteadiness, sulky, thick tongue, glazed eyes. 

seated in front of LR chair drunkenly playing with children 

                  (she seldom plays with them except when drunk)

I told her she was drunk and should stay home. 

This clinched her decision to go. 

She came up from behind and kicked me sharply, I stood up, saw she had a knife in her hand.

I was a bit afraid she might try to use it

she left home last night at 9:40 pm, to pick up babysitter and got home at 10:10 with no baby sitter

she didn’t get the BMR because she was late and overworked (and hung over?)

      she sounded slightly tight. 

The fifth of whiskey which had been almost half full was gone.

displayed the usual characteristics of drinking: 

    emotional, extremely dramatic in speech and gestures, irresponsible attitude   

I left at 6:40, J. dressing, K. beginning supper. 

did not prepare supper for herself.

   definitely under the influence. 

Hair all awry, eyes red and puffy, generally sloppy. 

    Physical coordination clumsy, tongue thick. 

At 6:30 just feeding the baby. 

No beds made today. 

    Closed bedroom door leaving my bedclothes out implying she wanted me to use den. 

    I will try sleeping in bedroom. 

    No harsh words tonight

© Kerry Bell 2022

 

Mother's Day

The Blood

On the pillow

The Ink

On the wall 

Marching Toward Normality

Last Friday, the Barga Jazz Club opened with live music for only one of the few times it has been open in the last two years. We were treated to a resounding set of American spirituals and gospel music rendered joyful by Dimitri Grechi Espinoza on sax, and jubilant by PeeWee Durante on piano. 

The set included the traditional spiritual, Wade in the Water; Sister Rossetta Tharpe’s  gospel to jazz influenced, When They Ring that Golden Bell; and on through Billie Holiday’s God Bless the Child; Louis Armstrong and others. The spiritual aspect was in evidence with the presence of Dimitri who specializes in using space and reverberation in mesmerizing original compositions, both live, in sacred spaces in Livorno, with the title of Il Significato Spirituale del Suono, and on two discs “Angels Blows” and “The Spiritual Way” 

March: in like a lion, out like a lamb. As we move tentatively into the first seemingly normal Easter holiday and on to what hopefully promises to be a pleasant summer season, after all of the sacrifices we have made over the last two years, we can look forward to the comfort and joy of more great live music, celebrations and good company. 

Marching In

https://youtu.be/divcuPsGW7w 

Lost in Translation

In Italy for over 20 years I am often called on to translate, help with admin tasks and the like.

In some documents I do call on Google Translate, as it has improved noticeably from its early years, with reasonably accurate results, which I always review and tweak.  

Thankfully, especially right now, international diplomacy is rarely the subject matter, but it could have created, or resolved, a topical exchange when translating a numbered list of to-do items on a furniture and fixtures list:

18. Cabinet resolution

was translated as this:

18. Delibera di Giunta: Resolution of the Junta 

A Crimp in my Equanimity

In two days, on March 9th, two years ago we began a journey of nightmarish, surreal proportions, which most of us had never experienced and which has left us unmoored and adrift, and from which we, since you’re reading this, have come through alive, though not untouched or unmoved, only to be launched into that which can only be described at best as a humanitarian crisis of catastrophic proportions led by The Just One Bad Actor it takes, and defended by another Actor with some pretty good moves and courageous leadership dancing a pas de deux of death, destruction and desperation. 

This will take all of our reserves of resilience, patience, calm, tolerance, equanimity, strength of character, reason, rationality, compassion and empathy, most of which we have experienced here in this small Tuscan hill town for the last two years and can be an inspiration and example to all. 

Kerry Bell

Barga, Italy

The Tiglio Road

 

The Tiglio Road

The winding road that leads to and from the small village of Tiglio, has been plied for at least 1000 years, by farmers, travelers, and pilgrims. According to church archives dating to 983 and 984, Tiglio was registered as part of the property of the Pieve of Loppia, which also included, Renaio and Pegnana. 

Its ancient church of S. Giusto, at the top of the mountain overlooking Barga and the Serchio River Valley, was originally a castle fortress. For more that 25 years in the early to mid 14th century, it was fought over in a tug of war between Barga and the Lucca families of Castruccio Castracani and Antelminelli, and finally in 1354, it was restored to Barga through the intervention of Florence, which marks the village’s strategic importance in the history of Barga.  A pair of elegant marble statues of The Annunciation behind the altar attest to its importance as a pilgrimage destination in the 14th Century.  

Today the Tiglio Road is well paved and rapidly driven by the farmers and families who live in the villages of Renaio, Pegnana, and Tiglio, and it is a through back road to Piastroso and Coreglia. It’s a lovely walking route exposing heartrendingly beautiful views over Barga and the western coastal range of the Apuan Alps. 

Tiglio may be named for the Linden tree. The road leading in and out of Barga, as all roads, from Largo Roma, is flanked with their stateliness. In June the miniature chandelier shaped blossoms perfume the air for miles with their intoxicating scent, and its lush broad heart-shaped leaves provide cool shade in the hottest of the summer months.