Looking up

Outside my window
Where he is looking inside
Orion awaits

I dreamt

that you just
woke up
after a bad day
but a good night's
sleep
as you had so many times
and Gianni prayed you would
and we smiled softly
I said good morning
with more conviction
than I felt
and stroked your
soft wisps of hair
and prepared for the
two person ritual
of sitting you up
changing your damp
pyjamas
washing you down with
a warm cloth
putting your feet
in the warm soapy water
Jesus had that right
having your feet washed
is a sublime pleasure
I hope
I dressed and
laid you down comfortably
again
like it was all
just a bad dream
then
I dreamt
that you came back
and I thought
but
they did an EKG
they knew you were dead
but here you were
and I thought
how did it feel to be trapped in there
how did you get out
and I helped you get into bed
one last time

It's the joy

you shared
hopes and dreams
fulfilled
you hope
he left
remembering those too
you hope he drifted off
watering his garden
pruning his vines
sorting his seeds
for planting
watching his son
grow
taller and wiser
he lives
in your dreams
you hope
he left
knowing
you will always
remember
how strong he was
how hard working
how tireless
all else
fades
but the shared hopes
and dreams
and joy
and love

It rains

As I open the windows wide
To clear the air
After removing feces in a gloved hand
I hear the band playing
A raucous tune
The horn wails
for us
His shin is a shard
A splinter of what it once was
Not much bigger than the
Catheter tube
He sleeps
I watch
And wait
It rains

This changes nothing and everything

The bells ring the quarter hour
Without fail
They pealed on Christmas eve
As always
The air is chilly
But not cold
The sky is perfectly clear
Serene they call it here
The pace hastens
Lights twinkle
Shops are full
People are happy
Everyone says auguri, auguri, auguri
They smile
The family comes
And goes
Life goes on as normal
As he lay dying

Steal Away

Like a thief in the night
Sometimes I wish
He would just drift away
In his sleep
In peace
To know no pain
Or suffering
Neither his
Nor ours

The Act

A twelve inch
Sutured surgical wound
Someone so angry
With you
They brutally block
Your dreams
And yank a secure rug
From beneath you
Yet still want you
With a canister
Of chemo
Hanging from their chest
Despite entreaties
Use no protection
So you get
Your own little dose
And its implications
Finally
So despondent
Just the thought
Of affection
Provokes waves
Of tears and trembling
Only to be suppressed
It's all just an act